Dan Fogelberg Crashes the Christmas Party with ‘Same Old Lang Syne’

by tonydoug wright

Five years ago, someone from a music mailing list sent me a Christmas mix CD featuring the standard tunes from artists such as Bing Crosby and Brenda Lee along with some hip indie rock tunes from Low and Yo La Tengo. I still give that CD a spin during the holidays because it’s great for road trips when I visit my family in Ohio.

In my opinion, the Christmas tunes are to be played after Thanksgiving. There’s a local station up here in Michigan that switches to an all holiday music format near the Thanksgiving holiday. This year, they switched on Halloween. I’m debating placing the good Halloween candy aside, but I got Burl Ives telling me “Have a Holly Jolly Christmas”.

My wife is a big fan of the holiday tunes, so the car radio is always set to that station. I dare not complain because she patiently listens to my indie rock musical selections. I do not hate holiday music, I prefer it in moderation. There are good holiday songs, like “Merry Christmas (I Don’t Want to Fight Tonight)” by The Ramones or “Christmas in Hollis” by Run-D.M.C., but a few suspect tunes have made their way into the rotation and I need to address one of them, ‘Same Old Lang Syne’ by Dan Fogelberg.

If you’re not familiar with the song, then acquaint yourself (or refresh your memory) via this YouTube clip. I’m sure a few of you out there tried to purge this one from your memory, but I just dropped a big buzzkill on you. Also, did you like the karaoke video version? I am under the impression it was put together by a creepy ex boyfriend. I’m willing to bet he was served with a restraining order after putting that little video together.

Why is ‘Same Old Lang Syne’ on the holiday station? Answer number one is in the title, which is a play on the old New Year’s favorite, ‘Auld Lang Syne’. Answer number two is found the first verse: “Met my old lover at the grocery store. The snow was falling Christmas Eve. I stole behind her in the frozen foods. And I touched her on the sleeve.” Does this song have any other holiday connections? The answer is no.

Let’s examine the song. Fogelberg’s at the grocery store on Christmas Eve and notices his ex shopping for frozen food. He sneaks up behind her and touches her on the sleeve. I’m no Casanova, but why take the creepy route, when he could have walked up to her and said, “Look babe, the Fogelberger is in the meat section, if you know what I mean.”

For Fogelberg and his ex lover, it’s an awkward reunion. They stand in line waiting for their groceries to be bagged and decide that Christmas Eve is the best time to go get a drink to reminisce about the good old days. Maybe Fogelberg has some “bagging” on his mind. You old dog you, Fogelberg.

Back in my college days, I was at a liquor store with a friend deciding if we should shell out the extra five bucks for the After Shock shot set instead of the regular bottle of After Shock. Well, he see’s his old lover at the liquor store and decides not to “stole behind her” in order to “touch her on the sleeve”. He had something of a meltdown, purchased the After Shock shot set, and ended up drunk out of his mind.

Fogelberg and his ex lover try to find a bar, but it is Christmas Eve, and the bars are closed. Can someone cue ‘The Bar Is Closed’ by Wesley Willis? I’m calling bullshit on Fogelberg, because you can find an open bar on Christmas Eve. There are millions of miserable people out there looking to drown their sorrows. Fogelberg may have done a half ass job on purpose because he purposes buying a six pack of beer and drinking it in her car. All I can say is, “Nicely played, Mr. Fogelberg”.

The ex informs Fogelberg that she married an architect but is not in love with him. Scrap the Wesley Willis and play Kanye’s ‘Gold Digger’. I wonder if the architect was at home worried about his wife. Maybe they were throwing a party and she was supposed to purchase some frozen margarita or pina colada mix. When she doesn’t show, he runs to the bedroom, finds his pistol, clicks the hammer, and says, “Not this time, Fogelberg”.

While Fogelberg and the ex pound some brews they decide to “drink a toast to innocence” and “drink a toast to now”. Forget the toasting and seize the day, Fogelberg.

Fogelberg discovers that the ex is familiar with his musical career. How many Dan Fogelberg’s have you met in your lifetime, lady? I wonder if the ex was pissed that she dumped the weird singer-songwriter dude from college for the architect. She didn’t know that Dan would rule the airwaves with ‘Leader of the Band’. Fogelberg admits to the ex that he loves his fans but hates touring. Let’s cue ‘On the Road Again’ by Bob Seeger and the Silver Bullet Band.

So now we come to the portion where we wonder where the encounter is going. A co-worker once asked me about the outcome of the song and said, “Does Fogelberg hit that?” You too may have wondered about Captain Fogelberg taking the skin boat to tuna town. It doesn’t happen. They kiss and Fogelberg watches his lady drive away into the night.

We have a song title that makes a reference to ‘Auld Lang Syne’ and a song that takes place on Christmas Eve. There’s nothing about Jesus, Santa Claus, Grandma’s house, silver bells, or Burl Ives. It’s about a guy trying to booze up his ex for a night of hanky panky. Call me a liar. You don’t sit in a car with your ex and a six pack. That’s a recipe for regret. We have an impostor in our midst but I doubt the powers that be will remove this one from the holiday stations. Next year, my Labor day Celebration will be ruined when I turn on the radio and hear Burl Ives singing “Holly Jolly Christmas”.