Hit List: Reviewing the Same Five Songs Every Hour

by matthew webber

Kelly Clarkson - "Miss Independent"

What did happen to Miss Independent? Why does Kelly Clarkson sound like Christina Aguilera? Why does Christina Aguilera now have darker hair than Kelly Clarkson? Have you ever seen Kelly Clarkson and Christina Aguilera in the same place at the same time? Is it merely a case of Miss Taken Identity?

Sugar Ray - "Mr. Bartender (It's So Easy)"

It's so easy for Mark McGrath and the boys to write summer anthems they've given up trying. "Bartender," I say, "I'll have whatever the DJ on the adult album alternative radio station is having… What?… You're out of 'Bartender'? Give me 'When It's Over' instead… Do you have any 'Fly'? What about 'Every Morning?" There's a heartache hanging from the corner stuck inside my head. Again.

Madonna - "Hollywood"

Madonna reinvents herself yet again, this time as a struggling b-movie actress whose headshots belie her beauty or something. An outtake from the Chili Peppers' Californication sessions, "Hollywood" condemns those who live in a material world. Right. And I am a material girl! (Note: It sounds more like a By the Way b-side.)

50 Cent - "21 Questions"

I love this song like a fat kid loves cake. I love this song like Darryl Strawberry loves coke.

Foo Fighters - "Times Like These"

It's times like these I learn to sell my Foo Fighters CDs that only have one great song on them. (Hint: It's not this one.)

E-mail me your questions, comments, and suggestions at popculturejunkie@hotmail.com.

Issue 14, August 2003 | next article